Adoption Blogger Interview!

If there's anything that I think an adoptive momma needs to have, it's an Adoption Doula!!  My great new friend Nancy (whom I've never even been able to meet yet!!) is my on-line doula.  She and I check in with each other every day via Facebook, we are doing this run challenge together, and her family's adoption timeline is following right in line with ours, through our same agency!  It's been a true blessing to have her friendship the last few months.  I really hope to meet her some day... perhaps in Ethiopia!!

And then I have a true, face-to-face doula!  One I get together with often, text daily, pray for and get together with for play-dates/family dates.  I know I've mentioned Esther in other blog posts.  Not only is she a dear friend to me, but she's also a soon-to-be adoptive momma!  We've been through the highs and lows together on this roller coaster ride and I've been so thankful to have her as my "ride along" buddy!  Plus she's a native of Germany and has this incredibly fun accent; not to mention she uses words like "wonky" and has been SO encouraging in my crazy running adventure!

She shared this fun idea with me about doing an adoption blogger interview.  Apparently adoption bloggers can connect and basically 'interview' each other about their personal adoption experiences.  So we decided "Why not!?" and interviewed each other so-to-speak.

Below are Esther's responses to the questions we came up with.  Let me tell you --- this girl has a heart of GOLD!

* Esther, tell us about your family: Bjorn and I met our freshman year in college. I was his German tutor for a year - and the rest is history :) We've been married for almost 10 years and have two beautiful daughters: 4.5 year old identical twin girls Liana and Amaya. Bjorn is a pastor, and I am a part-time fitness instructor/personal trainer and a full-time mommy! I was born and raised in Germany, and we've had the privilege of living there as a couple for a while after we got married.

* Why did you decide to adopt? Liana and Amaya came to us after a painful struggle with infertility, and an even scarier struggle with a life-threatening in-utero conidition called "Twin-to-Twin-transfusion." However, infertility wasn't really what brought us to adoption - I think it just kind of opened our eyes to other ways of growing your family; and the length and cost of an international adoption didn't seem quite so scary after lengthy and costly infertility treatments! Bjorn always had a heart for orphans, and after I started to expose myself to the reality of the devastating conditions in which millions of orphans live today, it really became quite simple in our minds: Here we were, a family with room in their hearts and lives for another child - and there are millions of children without proper nutrition, medical care, and most importantly, someone to love and care for them. So the question wasn't so much: "Why adopt?" - it became: "Why not?!"

* Where are you in the adoption process? We started our adoption journey over 18 months ago, and are currently waiting for a referral of a male child, age 0-2 from Ethiopia - which we are told should come very soon! We know that our future child will have some special medical needs, along with the developmental delays and effects of malnutrition most internationally institutionalized children deal with.

* Do you have any advice for others considering international adoption? - Research! The country you adopt from, the age, gender, special needs status of your child, and maybe most importantly the agency you choose are all very important considerations. There are frequent questions that surface about adoption ethics in certain countries and even adoption agencies, and while you can't believe everything you hear out there (!!), you want to feel as confident as possibly about your choices ... especially when the going gets tough, which it will.

- Prepare! There are so many incredible resources out there for adoptive families and on parenting children from tough places, and while you are in the midst of the seemingly never-ending process of waiting, you want to take the opportunity and arm yourself with the needed skills for the real adventure ahead: parenting your adopted child.

- Surround yourself with uplifting people. The international adoption process might just be the biggest roller coaster you will ever go through in your life, and you might have days when you are wondering how on earth you can go on after yet another set-back, or when you are so worn down by the process that you are wondering if you are even doing the right thing, and that's when you want people around you that support and encourage you.

 - Have faith. Personally, I can't imagine going through this process without my faith - because quite frankly, it is a very scary thing at times! And in the end, I just have to hold on to believing that we're doing the right thing, and that God will see it through for us.

- Lastly, and this is a tough one for all those Type A personalities out there: Get used to the fact that you are not in charge. I jokingly tell people that you'll need to get used to getting jerked around a lot, because that's what it feels like!

* Do you have any advise for supporting people around you that are in the adoption process? Most people will most likely never adopt, and that's ok. Adoption is not for everyone. But almost every person knows someone who is adopting - and chances are, they would love your support! Honestly, we've treasured the prayers of family and friends the most, as they mean so much. But the occassional thoughtful text or e-mail, just letting us know that they are thinking of us, even (and especially) during the long months of waiting has really lifted our spirits. We were completely blown away by the financial support we received from family and friends after our first adoption agency went bankrupt. It was nothing we would have ever expected, but the unfortunate reality is that international adoption is very, very expensive. And to have friends and family help us lift that financial burden lifted a little was a huge blessing.
Also, I think adoptive families might need the biggest support AFTER their children come home. There will be a huge adjustment phase when they will spend almost all of their energy and time helping their new children adjust to life in a family, and I'm sure that's when they would love tangible support like dropped-off meals and the like. The reality is also this: While many adopted children adjust perfectly fine, there are also many adopted children who might have some special developmental and other needs, and it might be a bit of a rough go for the family, which is when they might need friends and family that can love and accept them AND their newest addition just the way they are.

And if you're curious about my responses to Esther at her Little Wonders Blog: http://estherslittlewonders.blogspot.com/2013/12/adoption-blogger-interview.html 

He Meets Me There....

I can't believe that I'm actually ENJOYING this part of our journey.  Not the unknowns.  Not the questions and confusion.  Not the roller-coaster of emotions: often fear, and sometimes sadness.  These parts I do not enjoy.  But I am finding joy and gratitude in a very unusual and unexpected (for me, especially) place.

 I completed another run the other night.  And for me, it was the most I've EVER run! 2 MILES!!  For most people that's probably no big deal -- but for me, it really is a minor miracle. :)  When I started this, I really had no intention of ever enjoying it.  But I knew I had big motivations: my health, my children, my husband, lots of stressors in my life right now that I need to release, lots of prayers to lift up....

And so I started this journey of "running".  And I call it "running" loosely, because I really am like Eeyore running.  No kidding.  And this "running" has NEVER been something I've identified with.  (I just know that people that know me well are probably laughing out loud right now, maybe recalling some disastrous memories!)  Physical activity leaves me feeling VERY vulnerable.  Bless the hearts of my former phy ed teachers -- I never knew where to run, to whom to throw a ball, if the game had innings, quarters, or whatever.  Just totally not my thing.  Put me in a choir to sing, or next to a child, or with a sweet elderly person, and I feel much more in my element.  But definitely not on the treadmill.  And definitely not RUNNING on a treadmill.

But He meets me there.  Every. Single. Time.

And so I started praying.  My dear friend Katy has this thing where she chooses someone to pray for  every time she runs.  I think that's absolutely beautiful.  And so, taking inspiration from that, and knowing that I needed serious divine intervention to get me to complete any sort of run, I started doing the same thing.

And He meets me there.

Sometimes I get on that treadmill and I know full well what I'll be praying about.  I have lots to say to Him.  I love lots to listen for.  And other times I get on, and the Holy Spirit just moves things in me.

I started running with this little mantra that I find myself chanting, now every time I run... "Raise up something holy in me..."

I believe that God is doing something in me during this time of wait and helplessness.  I think that He's using this time to heal some things within me, to bring my heart ever closer to Eli, and to impassion my roles as mother and wife.

I LOVE my time on the treadmill -- (Did I REALLY just say that!?) -- but I love it because it's my holy time with God.  He is raising up something holy in me: physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.  And I love it.

He's Always Been Faithful

Yesterday I finally tackled the much dreaded task of trying to get our basement organized.  It's only been about 9 weeks since we moved my craft room down there.  I've been procrastinating that project like nobody's business.  And today it still looks like I didn't even touch it.  Lovely.

But as I was down there, sorting through things, I found some sheet music of a song that I sang at a women's event last spring.  I opened up the music, just to refresh myself on the lyrics, because I love them so much. The tune is equally beautiful, so if you're not familiar with the song, please look it up on YouTube.

He's Always Been Faithful -- by Sara Groves

Morning by morning, I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season, I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways.
All I have need of, His hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me.

I can't remember a trial or pain,
He did not recycle to bring me gain.
I can't remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand.
All I have need of, His hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song.
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, He will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.
All I have need of, His hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me.


This journey to Eli... started almost 5 years ago.  What a gift it is, now, to see how God started to pave a path in our lives to little Eli.  This path has not always been what I imagined it to be -- but God has always been faithful and he's always answered my prayers.  (Not always in the ways I've asked, mind you!  But faithful -- always.)

2008 - Tenleigh was born!  Shortly thereafter, like electricity going through my body, the Holy Spirit laid it on my heart that our next child would not be born of me.  Our family would grow by means of adoption.  I waited a few months to tell Ryan about this. :)

2010 - I am feeling the prompting to leave public teaching.  I love teaching.  I got to work with the best-of-the-best.  But I knew I needed a change.  However, this would also mean that our monthly income would change significantly.  Adoption was still very much on my heart (Ryan was warming up to the idea); and so every financial decision for our family was also centered around the hope of adopting.  I had no plans for what I'd do for work.

2011 - I left my public teaching job with total and complete peace, knowing this was also a leap of faith.  In June, only 2 hours before the job posting closed (!),  I "happened upon" a posting for a co-teaching position in my resident school district.  The very next morning I had an email asking me to come in that same morning for an interview.  I got the job.  15 hours per week, as a co-teacher for Grades K-2.   I also was hired to work with our Children and Family Ministry at church for 10 hours per week.  Amazing.  Now I was up to 25 hours per week.  And again, by God's grace, mid-August rolled around and I was contacted by a local University to work with their Elementary Education students during their student teaching semester.  This was truly a dream job for me.  For 1 year I had the joy of sometimes teaching Kindergarteners and college Seniors all in the same day! :)  God is so faithful.  It is this year that Ryan and I finally say YES to adoption!!  We applied for a domestic adoption program, and then soon afterwards changed to international adoption.  We would be adopting from Haiti!!

2012 - I was hired to start up a Kindergarten Program at our church.  This dream opportunity allowed for me to have Johnathan in my classroom, and to also be down the hallway from Tenleigh.  No more traveling for work either! God is so faithful. We are full-force in our adoption journey.  But no longer adopting a sweet one from Haiti.  That door was closed about 6 months into this journey.  With open hearts, we chose a new country, Ethiopia, and a new adoption agency.  God is so faithful.

2013 - Bumpy start to this year, but the tail end has been full of miracles!  Our 2nd adoption agency suddenly filed for bankruptcy.  We truly lost all financial investments and can not even begin to imagine starting over. Again.  Friends, family, and even strangers rally around us and help us with "seed" funds to keep going.  God is so faithful.  We finally find a new (this is #3) agency (after a few doors closed with others, of course) and are able to join their waiting list rather quickly.  God is so faithful.  My parents take a leap of faith and move to our state, just minutes away from us!  Mom accepts a position as an assistant in my classroom! (Does it get any better than that!? She taught for over 20 years!) God is so faithful.  Show Hope Ministries gifts us with an adoption grant.  God is so faithful.

And now,  just 17 weeks after first  seeing Eli's beautiful face, God still remains so faithful.  We are still waiting for 1 last piece of paperwork to come in.  His MOWA letter.  And prayerfully, that will happen soon.  Apparently the office that provides these letters decided to close 2 weeks ago.  We have no idea when/if it will re-open.  But this stuff happens in Africa all. the. time.  And so, because we serve a God that has always been faithful, we must also be faith FULL in Him.

Today is Orphan Sunday.  The one day, one time per year in which churches and God's people should STAND UP for the orphan.  There are 153 million orphans that need our voices, our hearts, our prayers, and our serving hands.  There is much to do with this orphan crisis.  But perhaps today, you would please join us in praying that this regional MOWA office will re-open very soon.  For it is not just Eli that is waiting on a letter.  There are probably thousands of children that need this office to re-open.  I also ask you to pray for 7 specific orphans and their families that are close to my heart: Baby L. (C&K's little), Beautiful R. (J & B's sweet girl), Little D (E & B's future boy), Sweet T. (N & J's tiny one), Babies K (M & L's twin girls), and our own Little Eli.

He's always been faithful.  He will be again.

1 Down, 2 To Go...

Good news -- we have the needed signature!!!  We received notification of that last week.  Now we wait for 2 more pieces: birth certificate and final MOWA letter.  This is taking a while because they're both given by the same government entity (apparently)

We are in our 12th week of waiting for paperwork.  Ugh.  That's the best I've got for words.  Just completely UGH.  This is apparently not a typical length of time to wait for these documents -- but who's to say what's typical anyway? Nothing about our adoption has been "typical" so far. :)

We pray, we wait.  We pray, we wait.

8 Weeks Later....

... and still waiting on a single, simple, yet ever-so-important signature!!!  I think I'm going to lose it.  Mmmmm.... No, I already have.

We accepted our referral of Eli on July 26th.  Since that time, we've been chomping at the bit, checking email a million times a day, and constantly checking in with our agency, to see if "the signature" has come in yet. Ugh.  Apparently one particular orphanage director (where Eli was before coming into the care of our agency) has decided that it's really not a big deal to sign or not to sign any documents right now.  We already know that time is of no essence to most Africans, but apparently this guy also likes to take advantage of having some control... and so it is that Eli, and other sweet littles, sit in our agency's care center for even longer than necessary. So. Frustrating.

I am in constant prayer over these circumstances.  Every morning I wake up with a prayer as I once again check my email.  I fall asleep as I pray (oops!), and I pray on the treadmill.  I am in His Word every day and I'm faithfully reading my special devotional.  One of my sweet Kindergarten moms prays for this every morning on her way home after dropping off her daughter at school.  And I have a handful of incredibly faithful prayer warrior sisters that have been lifting this up too.

So why are we still waiting?? Why is ELI still waiting???  Can you tell that there's a part of me that's feeling not just frustrated but also very helpless?

But so it is -- and I can't change the circumstances right now -- and this is just the way it goes with international adoption.  So NOT in our timing nor the way we'd like the process to go.

I'm reading a book called The Circle Makers.  It's a great book about prayer circles; a quick and easy read.  But one thing that has stood out to me this week, probably because of my slump, is that the author reminds us that prayer is not just to ASK for something, but it's also to PRAISE.

And so, this week I have been very intentional in my PRAISE prayers...

He has put the most amazing friends in my life:

* My super supportive and thoughtful friend Amber wore our adoption t-shirt for her roller blade marathon last weekend! I LOVED getting her text picture last Saturday. :)  And every day she seems to find a few minutes in her day to send me encouraging, sweet text messages just to remind me that she's "tuned in"and cheering for Eli!

* Karen, who keeps me LAUGHING, running, praying, and laughing some more! :)

* My best homie, Esther -- she just gets it and gets me.

* Jenny, Katie, Lisa, Leah, and Steph -- who like to "check in" and get updates.  Even if there's nothing new.

* And many friends far away that I can feel are thinking of and praying for little Eli and this crazy road of adoption.

He has given me the most amazing family:

* Johnathan and Tenleigh are HEALTHY and HAPPY and their first weeks of school are going great!!

* Ryan's weekly tradition of driving with the kids to the SA gas station down the road to get Icees.  Daddy has become Tenleigh's heartthrob for these special dates, as she has picked out just one special cologne that he must put on, just for Icee dates! :)  Seriously.  Melt my heart.

* I get to work with my mom every day! The most amazing teacher ever.

* Mom and Dad are just minutes away!

* My brother suggested the name Eli. :)  And he has the sweetest family!  I am so in love with my little nephews and couldn't be more thankful for my sister Anna.

* Ryan -- "Steady Eddie".  :)  Need I say more? I love him big.

I am seeing how He started carving our path to Eli years ago:

 --- but I think that's for another blog post.  That may be a long one. :)

Your name shall be...

Yesterday I saw your beautiful face again.  Our agency sent us another picture and milestone checklist. You are the most BEAUTIFUL brown baby I've EVER seen!! {And the only reason I need to add "brown" to this equation is because I've also seen the most beautiful white baby boy and white baby girl -- aka your brother and sister. :)}

I am over-flowing with gratitude that from your pictures you look healthy and loved and as though you're being taken care of! Your cheeks are full and your hair is growing in so much! In fact, the picture we received a few weeks ago... I wasn't quite sure it was YOU, so I hemmed and hawed for a full day -- comparing that picture to your referral pictures.... I even asked for some "expert advice" from my dear friend Karen from Liberia, and she LAUGHED and laughed at me!! Because your hair is getting so curly, and your lips are filling out! And she reminded me that this is what happens to African babies. :)  But you are absolutely precious and beautiful and I can't wait to hold you.

Tonight the house is quiet.  Daddy took Johnathan and Tenleigh to the pool to swim.  I love a quiet house!! But I do notice that the quiet makes my heart hurt more.  It forces me to slow down, and in so doing, my mind automatically thinks of you, sweet boy.  Sometimes it's really hard for me to stop the tears.  But it's also a really good time for me to Be Still and Pray.

Sweet boy, you have a name!! You have a beautiful Ethiopian given name, with very special meaning to us... but because Daddy has a hard time pronouncing it :), we're going to use your special Ethiopian name as a middle name.  Daddy and I narrowed down our choices to 2 names that we love, and we left the final decision up to your brother and sister. We thought that would be a special thing to do!  And it was! When we explained to them that THEY got to choose your name, Johnny had the sweetest, biggest smile. Tenleigh was ready to go right away and nodded her head, grabbed the pen from my hand and knew exactly what she was going to do.  She got down to business right away! :)  We love the name that Johnathan and Tenleigh have chosen for you:

The votes are in!! Johnny's vote is on the left, Tenleigh's is on the right. (Good thing they're the same!) :)

And so your name will be Eli A------- James Vick.  James is Daddy's middle name.  I love the meanings of each part of your name too.  Eli = "Lifted to God",  A------ (Ethiopian-given name) = "Our Hope",  and James = "servant heart" or "supplanter".  {I like "servant heart" better, so we'll go with that one :)}  Not sure if we'll use James or A------ first, so the order of your middle names may change.

But it feels SO GOOD to have a name for you! And we love the name! :)  And I think you most definitely look like an Eli.

Sweet Eli, we are praying for you all the time! And I know that others are too! Your auntie and uncle, Grandma and Grandpa, and very special friends.  We are hoping and praying that your signed contract would hurry up and get here from Ethiopia so that we can submit all of your paperwork to NBC (National Benefits Center) to be reviewed. The new PAIR process (Pre-adoptive Immigration Review) starts up Sept. 1st.  (TOMORROW!) I was SOOOO hoping we'd have our paperwork submitted and ready to be reviewed right away.  

Still in God's timing though.  Always has been, always will be.

Love you so much, sweet Eli.

XOXO,

Mommy

So THIS is what "Wait" REALLY means! :)

I've decided that right now, THIS season of wait, is the hardest one yet.

We have a little face we already love, a name that means so much to us, monthly updates to smile about, and even remarks from fellow adoptive parents that are visiting our agency's care center in Ethiopia.  This little one is REAL.

I read an article last week (See here ------> http://wondermentetc.com/2013/08/02/dear-friends-of-waiting-adoptive-moms-some-things-to-know-also-were-sorry/)  that seemed to so perfectly explain what it's like to be a waiting momma, when your child is on the other side of the world.  It's like half of my heart is on the other side of the world too.  Just waiting and aching to hold him, smell him, snuggle him, and cover him in kisses. (And those cheeks are looking pretty kissable too!)

Johnathan and Tenleigh "beam" when they're asked about their baby brother.  They love to talk about him and every day they ask to see his pictures again.

But until the day when we finally do get to hold him, we just wait.

Right now we're waiting for the staff in Ethiopia to complete our adoption contract and gather all of Baby A's paperwork.  Even though the courts in Ethiopia will be closing soon for rainy season, all paperwork can continue to be gathered and processed.  I'm praying, praying, PRAYING that we will be able to get a court date soon after the courts re-open in October.  That would be amazing! But I kind of tell myself to hope for before the New Year instead, so that our hearts aren't too disappointed if it's not sooner.

I'm also finding (already), that it's so much harder to be patient when dealing with the works of a third-world country now.  Time in Africa is quite different than time here.  "Soon" to us may mean within the next few days.  "Soon" to them may mean within the next few months.  Things that are of high priority to us, may not be to them.  I've heard of several families recently whose paperwork was caught up from going to Embassy because THE ONE printer at the courthouse was broken.... for several weeks. Our dear friends are waiting for a tiny replacement piece for a medical machine to be passed through customs... possibly has been stuck there for several weeks too.  I also have had a little bit of a chuckle this week when we received Baby A's updated photo via email.... except we're not quite sure it's Baby A!? :)  I have a feeling that Baby A's name was tagged to the wrong picture.  But we are still waiting, 4 days later, for Ethiopia staff to confirm.

So you see, LOTS of waiting going on here!  But during the wait, we need to keep busy! So the kids and I are enjoying our last weeks together before school starts up again.  Lots of time has been spent outside, I've been enjoying my work-out routine, and we're all getting geared up for Grandma and Grandpa to move closer!  Such blessings for our anxious hearts!