Let's Re-Think This!

About 2 years ago, I remember very distinctly praying a constant prayer ... it was,  "Unsettle me, Lord." I don't know what I was thinking, exactly.  Maybe something along the lines of... "stir something inside me...." or "move your Spirit through me..."  You know, something that didn't actually require any work  or too much emotion on my end.  Just kind of -- "here I am, Lord --  but don't do anything too big..."

But apparently God listens to our prayers. He's been known to do that sort of thing I guess.  And not only listen to our prayers, He actually moves things in heaven at the prompt of our prayers.   Pretty awesome -- I'm just not loving the emotions tied to this rubble that He's shaking up in me... albeit at my request.

So let's talk rubble ---

I recently attended an amazing Christian women's conference with a great friend.  One of the speakers happened to be one of my favorite Bible study authors, Kelly Minter.  Kelly spoke about the book of Nehemiah, and the re-building of the wall -- and with that re-building, there is always rubble. Kelly so wisely pointed out the obvious: the only difference between building and re-building is rubble.  In hearing Kelly share her wisdom, I was brought back to my prayer two years ago, "Unsettle me."  I may as well have said, "Lord, there's a lot of rubble going on here -- shake it up. Move it. Re-build something in me..."

I can very strongly identify 3 major Shake Ups going on within me right now.  One is obviously the orphan crisis and orphan justice.  While God spoke adoption on our hearts 4 years ago (whew! I can't believe it's been 4 years!), it's only been the last year and a half that I've really felt a shake up towards the orphan crisis.  I'm even a little bit embarrassed to say that I never fully understood the depth of the orphan crisis until we started our adoption a year and a half ago.   And speaking of this understanding -- the documentary STUCK (!)  Ryan and I were so blessed to see this film last week in Minneapolis.  Truly a film that every. person. must. see.  It's not a plea for people to adopt internationally.  I fully understand that adoption is not for everyone; nor should it be.  But I do believe that every person needs to understand what it going on around the globe with our orphans.  We will be buying the DVD, and have been praying about ways to raise awareness.  I also read a book called Orphan Justice -- which I personally believe every Christian needs to read.

So speaking of Christians.  I am a Christian, trying to be like Jesus and love the poor and fatherless.  I wear t-shrits that promote this.  Heck, we're even selling the t-shirts.  I have sold beautiful Haitian jewelry for the Haitian men and women so that they do not have to release their children to orphanages.  I teach Kindergarten at a Christian early childhood learning center, and in most cases, the Kindergarten classroom is the only "taste" of Christ that the children and families may have.  Ryan and I strive to be spiritual parents that walk alongside the Holy Spirit in raising Johnathan and Tenleigh to know the love of Christ.  We're very active in our church and try to be very active in our community too, as disciples of Jesus.  Disciples.... a very important word here.  Now please don't misunderstand. I don't share these examples because I think we're wonderful.  I share them because last night in my prayer time I clearly heard the Lord pointing these things out to me, and then say, .... "But you stink at being 'Jesus in the flesh' to a select few people right under your nose, that do not yet know Me, that you push away..."   Sigh. Yes. I do. And I have been for many years.  Rubble. Lots of rubble here.  This wall -- will take time to re-build.  But as much as I want to say, "Ahhh... this prayer... anywhere but here, Lord..."   I must continue, "Unsettle me, Lord."

Then there's this third Shake Up.  It's more of a personal Shake Up.  And one I'm not sure I will disclose at this time.  But people closest to me know and understand.  This Shake Up is a re-building of my spirit.  My inward rubble, affecting my outer self.

Right now I'm reading a new (to me) book by Kelly Minter.  It's called The Fitting Room.  I picked it up because the back says, "An irresistible invitation to a spiritual makeover."  It's like it was written for me.  Kelly is saying, "Girlfriend, you need a new wardrobe. Peace, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, humility, patience...."

Yes, let's re-think this unsettled rubble.  I am not building for others (orphans,  my children,  my Kindergarten families, Haiti...).  I am in the middle of a spiritual re-build for me.

"Mommy, Tell Me a Story"

Usually Grandma is the one that the kids beg to hear stories from.  Grandma's stories are magical.  She paints pictures with her words, and the kids eat it up!  Night-time story-telling with Grandma has become a special tradition and memories-in-the-making for Johnathan and Tenleigh.  Johnathan is usually a paleontologist digging up dinosaur bones in our backyard, or raising his own pet dinosaur.  Tenleigh's stories usually involve unicorns, sparkles, rainbows, and princess tales.  (I have a hunch Tenleigh is quite the co-narrator with Grandma, and tells her what to include in her tales!) ;)

But last night I had the privilege of being asked to make up and tell a story.

"Mommy, tell me a story", Tenleigh said as we snuggled.

"Oohh I like that. Good idea."

"Tell me a story about Baby Opia."

Oh my heart.

I often wonder what it is that triggers my sweet 6 year old and 4 year old to start asking about, and thinking about, Baby Opia.  Ryan and I really don't spend a lot of time talking about Baby Opia or the adoption.  The process and timeframe is just so difficult for the kids to understand.  But we do pray about him or her every night at bedtime, and it seems as though different things spark their little hearts.  Tenleigh will find a toy and decide that she's going to give it to Baby Opia.  Or today when I was reading a folktale from Africa to my Kinders, Johnathan chimed in about our adoption.  Again.  It's sometimes hard to tell what exactly they understand about this whole deal.  But what I DO know, is that their hearts are very sincere and sweet, and they are R--E-A-D-Y for another sibling! :)

And speaking of READY -- I am more than ready for summer!! Ready to be with my sweet loves at home, walking or riding bikes to the park, playing with bubbles and sand toys, going to "Grandpa's Lake", and watching their T-Ball games.  I wonder if this will be our last summer as a family of 4!?  We kinda think so, and so have been planning some sort of simple, yet special family get-away during the summer some time.  Maybe camping??  That's totally Ryan's cup of tea, but not so much mine. :)  I'm willing to try most anything, but not so sure I'll be good at the whole adventure of roughing it! ;)  I must say that I do love my toilets, beds above ground, and clean water.

Probably will be many stories that I'll be able to share with the kids -- or rather, they'll be sharing about me (!) once our camping get-away has come and gone. :)

Nitty-Gritty Update

I realized after visiting with some family this weekend, that I haven't really shared the nitty-gritty of where we're at with our adoption!   So here it is:

We signed with a new adoption agency about two weeks ago.  This was a huge relief for us!  It took truly several weeks of researching agencies.  This involved emails, phone calls, and more and more of that!  And just when we'd think we were getting close to narrowing down our options, a wrench would come into the works, leaving us with more research.  But, we do feel very good about our new agency!  The Operational Manager told me on the phone, "Remember Katie, there is no 'try' this time.  Unless Ethiopia closes the door, you will bring a child home!"  That felt so good to hear -- mostly because he was recognizing that this road has not been easy for us as this is our third time around.  We got the sense that our new agency will really take good care of us!  We only needed to revise 4 items from our original dossier, and these are all done and ready to go!  Now we are only waiting for a letter from our insurance company stating that our adoptive child will be covered under our insurance.  Let's hope that comes quickly! As soon as that arrives, we will be able to send everything off to Washington, DC again for certification (again) and then it's off to Ethiopia! (again) :)

But the GREAT news is that we are officially on the wait lists again in Ethiopia!!  Our new agency has allowed us to be on the wait list at the time of contracting with them, rather than waiting until our dossier went to Ethiopia again.  We are on 4 lists at this time:  infant girl #40, infant boy #26, toddler girl #28, and toddler boy #20.  These numbers include the families that are currently on-hold (meaning they can not accept referrals at this time), so we're actually a bit ahead of these numbers. Our wait time for referral will probably be 9-12 months.  I'm praying for sooner, of course -- but I also know that realistically we could not accept a referral too soon because we will need the time to secure the needed funds.  Our GoFund Me button says 100% raised, but this covers the first fees to our agency only.  Still trying to prepare for in-country fees and travel expenses.  But of course we're VERY VERY thankful for these first fees being covered by the help of so many!!

We've also been working hard to apply for a few grants.  The last two times we were able to work things out on our own financially, but we decided that this time we would be seeking assistance.  This has been my very least favorite part of this process so far!  Most grants require mini essays from both parents, as well as various items such as tax information, pay check stubs, and credit scores.  Ugh. It's like pulling horses' teeth trying to get these things done!  Definitely not easy to do with both of us working very full jobs and trying to keep the balance at home too, for Johnathan and Tenleigh.

So that's the nitty-gritty -- with faith and hope, still truckin' along! :)

What Does Love Look Like?

You know, there's something quite awesome and amazing about experiencing selfless love.  Love that sacrifices, love that is gentle and compassionate, love that doesn't need to understand the hows or the whys.  Love that changes hearts and people.

When we were driving home two nights ago Ryan said, "This event really has changed me."

I think it was about three weeks ago that we started to initially feel some changes.  Our adoption story and the story of our dear friends was shared on a local television news station.  The result of that brought many changes.  Some good, some not-so-good, and even some sad.  Some of the comments and mentalities of others is nothing short of shocking and rude.  I don't feel sad for us.  I know who we are.  I feel sad for the people with such ignorance, really.  But, many MORE people showered us with  love.  One completely anonymous donor gifted our family $1000.  That's really hard to swallow.  I can't even type that without getting tearful.  No identity tagged to the number.  Love is humble.

My two amazing friends and colleagues made a YouTube video about us and sent it to Ellen DeGeneres. :)  They have staked claim in this ordeal and are such little warriors for justice, you might say.  Love is courageous, and bold, and sometimes tenacious.

And then our story was shared in our local newspaper!  My mom and I were crying of laughter as I read bits to her, because in all honesty, I was really embarrassed by the article.  Aside from several inaccuracies about certain details about us and our friends, there were some statements attached to my name that were not at all what I said.  Beyond my embarrassment, I was worried! I was worried that people would actually think that my heart was what was depicted in the story.  Mom's love grounds me.   Being able to laugh at the ridiculousness of the statements and being reminded from one of my dearest, Esther, that people who really know me won't blink an eye... this is genuine love.

One of my sweet little Kinders caught wind of these t-shirt sales that our family is doing.  He asked his mom to order one for him too!  But somehow I think his sweet little 6 year old mind got stuck on "shirts" and so one day last week when he and his momma were shopping at Target, he insisted that he need to buy me a shirt!  So the very next day at school, in walks Little Man with a brown paper bag, and the most beautiful purple-blue Merona brand t-shirt I've ever seen.  In fact, I'm wearing it right now!! :)  Love is child-like too.  Pure and innocent, and assumes nothing.

Our GoFund Me button shows that we have met our $4,000 goal for fundraising!  A handful of dear high school friends really took it upon themselves to spread the message about this little button -- and wowza! Our goal has been met (and even surpassed!!)!  These funds will help us with our first agency fee!  Many classmates I haven't seen in literally 15 years or more -- decided to open up their hearts and give one more little cheer to the quiet, sometimes nerdy Homecoming Queen and her family.  :)  Sometimes love is spontaneous.

And most recently, this very special event that changed Ryan. Two nights ago we (and our friends) were the 'guests of honor' at a spaghetti dinner benefit, to help us try to recover some of our losses from the agency bankruptcy.  Words just cannot tell you what it feels like to see over 300 faces, tiny baby faces through great-grandparent faces, come into one place to do nothing more than bless others.  Great food, great activities, and the fellowship was amazing.  Sometimes loves means simply "showing up".

Easter Sunday is right around the corner.  The most picture-perfect example of True Love -- God gave His only Son -- for us.  We are so undeserving of this kind of Love.  But it is given to us every single day.  Thank you, Jesus.  THIS is the kind of love that changed the world.

The Light Will Be On, The Welcome Mat Out...

Haiti Journey -- door closed.  Ethiopia Journey #1 -- door closed.  Search for new agency -- A few doors closed.  Mom's friend told her, "The doors are closing because they're the wrong doors."

I love that...  "They're the wrong doors."

She didn't say, "The doors are made of steel with padlocks, never to be opened."  She simply said, "They're the wrong doors."

Mom encouraged me -- "God will turn the light on and put the Welcome mat out."  Peace.  Yes,  He will.


We are completely overwhelmed with the love and support that is coming our way.  Kind words, cards, emails, prayers, donations -- many from complete strangers or friends we haven't seen for several years.  Just amazing.

Tonight after bedtime prayers Johnathan asked, "When is Baby Opia coming, Mom?"  And sweet Tenleigh's response was, "He's gonna come in my tummy now."  Noooooo, little monkey, that's not quite the way it works. :)  I can tell that Johnathan is starting to wonder about this "paper pregnancy".  He told some of his kindergarten friends yesterday that "My mommy is going to Africa in a couple of sleeps." Sigh.  Sweet boy, so tuned-in to changes.

Tenleigh Anna keeps our minds whirling, and our hearts thumping.  I often think, "Where in the WORLD does she get this stuff!?"... apparently she gets some of it from me, as it seems that her little ears are tuning in to everything. :)  She has been really into playing "wedding" lately.  She'll suddenly announce to Johnny that he's her husband, and it's time for the wedding!  (The first time they played, he was the cowboy, and she was the princess!)  The other night, Tens was all decked out in her princess gown, with heels and (upside-down) crown.  Johnathan put on his black pants, vest, dress shirt and tie.  He even slicked down his hair.  Tenleigh wrapped her arm around him, kissed his cheek and said, "Good-bye, Husband. Have a good day.  Be a goooooood listener, and... don't lose my purse."  I busted a gut because I knew EXACTLY where she got, "... don't lose my purse!"

Monday morning, satan was really trying to have his way with me I think.  The night before, our family's adoption story was shared on a local news station, and God's call to "defend and love the fatherless" was being shared.  So I'm sure satan was trying to wedge his way into this work.  But anyway -- the following morning was nothing short of completely nuts.  Johnny and I were putting our coats and shoes on, and Tens was still thrashing her little body on the mudroom floor, having a full-blown tantrum in her pajamas.  I shoved her clothes into her backpack and told her that she'd have to get dressed at preschool today. Fast-forward 2 seconds, and I've wrestled this little tornado into her carseat, only to soon discover that I have NO car keys.  Ryan (again -- yes, again -- for the 3rd time) has taken my set with him to downtown Minneapolis.  Of course he's not answering his phone, and you know I'm running about 15 minutes late already.  I leave a sweet, little message (read with sarcasm) that said something along the lines of.... "I can't have you losing my keys!"  Be careful, be careful -- what you say!! ;)

So you see, life is getting back to 'normal' for us.  ;)  Fun play, tender prayers, and even a little bit of CraZy. :)

Prayers go up -- blessings come down.

~ Simply Love!! ~

First thing's first... I finally figured out how to add pictures to my blog!!  Halleluia!! Only took about 14 months, but who's counting!? :)

I am SO excited about these cute Simply Love t-shirts that we're selling as a fundraiser for our adoption.  The first two rounds of our adoption we decided not to do any fundraising.  This time we know that we have to.  But I think these look great and I hope they'll be a hit!  All sizes are available. The smallest size is youth XS.  The women's t-shirt comes in unisex or junior cut.  If you're interested in purchasing a t-shirt, please send me an email at: heartstrings2911@yahoo.com and I'll hook you up! Thank you so much!!

Women's Front

Women's Back

Men's Front

Men's Back

When I'm On My Knees...

"There I am before the Love that changes me.
I don't know how, but there's power when I'm on my knees..."


I've heard these lyrics probably a thousand times, and I've always loved Jaci Valesquez's song.  But I can't say that the words had ever really spoken to me as much as they do now.  These last few weeks have brought me to my knees on so many levels.

I think that most people might think that our financial loss is the main thing that has brought me to my knees.  And yes, that's a great part of it.  But it's really become about so much more than loss.  The blessings far outweigh the loss.

I've been brought to my knees in Thanksgiving -- for the amazing, courageous, and thoughtful friends that have decidedly turned themselves into little "warriors" for our family.  Trying to spread the word to others about ways to support us.  I am completely humbled at the time and dedication that they have put into these efforts.

I've been brought to my knees as I learn the horror and realities facing orphans in today's world.  I am devouring a new book I just found called Orphan Justice.  Mmm... it's a good one.  A "must read" for  every Christian I believe.

I've been brought to my knees as God is teaching me about patience.  As we work through the next steps of our adoption process, we are waiting to hear back on some dossier details with the agency that we're hoping to contract with.  And of course... still trying to get our dossier back into our hands.  That feels a bit like a nail-biter to me.  I can handle dealing with agencies here in the US, but I don't totally love that our 6 month life project is in Addis Ababa right now, and our former agency is virtually non-existent.

I am on my knees in prayer constantly.  For direction and clarity, for courage and patience.  For continued faith and hope.  I love the way the words in Scripture are jumping out at me as if I have never read them before.

And let's not forget when I'm on my knees playing "Tickle Monster", "Beauty Shop", or "Uno".  These beautiful babes of mine upstairs in their beds.  So healthy, rowdy, and pure.  Their belly laughs and precious imaginations bring us such joy, every day.

When I am on my knees I see the blessings, and the Love that changes me.