Let's Re-Think This!

About 2 years ago, I remember very distinctly praying a constant prayer ... it was,  "Unsettle me, Lord." I don't know what I was thinking, exactly.  Maybe something along the lines of... "stir something inside me...." or "move your Spirit through me..."  You know, something that didn't actually require any work  or too much emotion on my end.  Just kind of -- "here I am, Lord --  but don't do anything too big..."

But apparently God listens to our prayers. He's been known to do that sort of thing I guess.  And not only listen to our prayers, He actually moves things in heaven at the prompt of our prayers.   Pretty awesome -- I'm just not loving the emotions tied to this rubble that He's shaking up in me... albeit at my request.

So let's talk rubble ---

I recently attended an amazing Christian women's conference with a great friend.  One of the speakers happened to be one of my favorite Bible study authors, Kelly Minter.  Kelly spoke about the book of Nehemiah, and the re-building of the wall -- and with that re-building, there is always rubble. Kelly so wisely pointed out the obvious: the only difference between building and re-building is rubble.  In hearing Kelly share her wisdom, I was brought back to my prayer two years ago, "Unsettle me."  I may as well have said, "Lord, there's a lot of rubble going on here -- shake it up. Move it. Re-build something in me..."

I can very strongly identify 3 major Shake Ups going on within me right now.  One is obviously the orphan crisis and orphan justice.  While God spoke adoption on our hearts 4 years ago (whew! I can't believe it's been 4 years!), it's only been the last year and a half that I've really felt a shake up towards the orphan crisis.  I'm even a little bit embarrassed to say that I never fully understood the depth of the orphan crisis until we started our adoption a year and a half ago.   And speaking of this understanding -- the documentary STUCK (!)  Ryan and I were so blessed to see this film last week in Minneapolis.  Truly a film that every. person. must. see.  It's not a plea for people to adopt internationally.  I fully understand that adoption is not for everyone; nor should it be.  But I do believe that every person needs to understand what it going on around the globe with our orphans.  We will be buying the DVD, and have been praying about ways to raise awareness.  I also read a book called Orphan Justice -- which I personally believe every Christian needs to read.

So speaking of Christians.  I am a Christian, trying to be like Jesus and love the poor and fatherless.  I wear t-shrits that promote this.  Heck, we're even selling the t-shirts.  I have sold beautiful Haitian jewelry for the Haitian men and women so that they do not have to release their children to orphanages.  I teach Kindergarten at a Christian early childhood learning center, and in most cases, the Kindergarten classroom is the only "taste" of Christ that the children and families may have.  Ryan and I strive to be spiritual parents that walk alongside the Holy Spirit in raising Johnathan and Tenleigh to know the love of Christ.  We're very active in our church and try to be very active in our community too, as disciples of Jesus.  Disciples.... a very important word here.  Now please don't misunderstand. I don't share these examples because I think we're wonderful.  I share them because last night in my prayer time I clearly heard the Lord pointing these things out to me, and then say, .... "But you stink at being 'Jesus in the flesh' to a select few people right under your nose, that do not yet know Me, that you push away..."   Sigh. Yes. I do. And I have been for many years.  Rubble. Lots of rubble here.  This wall -- will take time to re-build.  But as much as I want to say, "Ahhh... this prayer... anywhere but here, Lord..."   I must continue, "Unsettle me, Lord."

Then there's this third Shake Up.  It's more of a personal Shake Up.  And one I'm not sure I will disclose at this time.  But people closest to me know and understand.  This Shake Up is a re-building of my spirit.  My inward rubble, affecting my outer self.

Right now I'm reading a new (to me) book by Kelly Minter.  It's called The Fitting Room.  I picked it up because the back says, "An irresistible invitation to a spiritual makeover."  It's like it was written for me.  Kelly is saying, "Girlfriend, you need a new wardrobe. Peace, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, humility, patience...."

Yes, let's re-think this unsettled rubble.  I am not building for others (orphans,  my children,  my Kindergarten families, Haiti...).  I am in the middle of a spiritual re-build for me.

"Mommy, Tell Me a Story"

Usually Grandma is the one that the kids beg to hear stories from.  Grandma's stories are magical.  She paints pictures with her words, and the kids eat it up!  Night-time story-telling with Grandma has become a special tradition and memories-in-the-making for Johnathan and Tenleigh.  Johnathan is usually a paleontologist digging up dinosaur bones in our backyard, or raising his own pet dinosaur.  Tenleigh's stories usually involve unicorns, sparkles, rainbows, and princess tales.  (I have a hunch Tenleigh is quite the co-narrator with Grandma, and tells her what to include in her tales!) ;)

But last night I had the privilege of being asked to make up and tell a story.

"Mommy, tell me a story", Tenleigh said as we snuggled.

"Oohh I like that. Good idea."

"Tell me a story about Baby Opia."

Oh my heart.

I often wonder what it is that triggers my sweet 6 year old and 4 year old to start asking about, and thinking about, Baby Opia.  Ryan and I really don't spend a lot of time talking about Baby Opia or the adoption.  The process and timeframe is just so difficult for the kids to understand.  But we do pray about him or her every night at bedtime, and it seems as though different things spark their little hearts.  Tenleigh will find a toy and decide that she's going to give it to Baby Opia.  Or today when I was reading a folktale from Africa to my Kinders, Johnathan chimed in about our adoption.  Again.  It's sometimes hard to tell what exactly they understand about this whole deal.  But what I DO know, is that their hearts are very sincere and sweet, and they are R--E-A-D-Y for another sibling! :)

And speaking of READY -- I am more than ready for summer!! Ready to be with my sweet loves at home, walking or riding bikes to the park, playing with bubbles and sand toys, going to "Grandpa's Lake", and watching their T-Ball games.  I wonder if this will be our last summer as a family of 4!?  We kinda think so, and so have been planning some sort of simple, yet special family get-away during the summer some time.  Maybe camping??  That's totally Ryan's cup of tea, but not so much mine. :)  I'm willing to try most anything, but not so sure I'll be good at the whole adventure of roughing it! ;)  I must say that I do love my toilets, beds above ground, and clean water.

Probably will be many stories that I'll be able to share with the kids -- or rather, they'll be sharing about me (!) once our camping get-away has come and gone. :)

Nitty-Gritty Update

I realized after visiting with some family this weekend, that I haven't really shared the nitty-gritty of where we're at with our adoption!   So here it is:

We signed with a new adoption agency about two weeks ago.  This was a huge relief for us!  It took truly several weeks of researching agencies.  This involved emails, phone calls, and more and more of that!  And just when we'd think we were getting close to narrowing down our options, a wrench would come into the works, leaving us with more research.  But, we do feel very good about our new agency!  The Operational Manager told me on the phone, "Remember Katie, there is no 'try' this time.  Unless Ethiopia closes the door, you will bring a child home!"  That felt so good to hear -- mostly because he was recognizing that this road has not been easy for us as this is our third time around.  We got the sense that our new agency will really take good care of us!  We only needed to revise 4 items from our original dossier, and these are all done and ready to go!  Now we are only waiting for a letter from our insurance company stating that our adoptive child will be covered under our insurance.  Let's hope that comes quickly! As soon as that arrives, we will be able to send everything off to Washington, DC again for certification (again) and then it's off to Ethiopia! (again) :)

But the GREAT news is that we are officially on the wait lists again in Ethiopia!!  Our new agency has allowed us to be on the wait list at the time of contracting with them, rather than waiting until our dossier went to Ethiopia again.  We are on 4 lists at this time:  infant girl #40, infant boy #26, toddler girl #28, and toddler boy #20.  These numbers include the families that are currently on-hold (meaning they can not accept referrals at this time), so we're actually a bit ahead of these numbers. Our wait time for referral will probably be 9-12 months.  I'm praying for sooner, of course -- but I also know that realistically we could not accept a referral too soon because we will need the time to secure the needed funds.  Our GoFund Me button says 100% raised, but this covers the first fees to our agency only.  Still trying to prepare for in-country fees and travel expenses.  But of course we're VERY VERY thankful for these first fees being covered by the help of so many!!

We've also been working hard to apply for a few grants.  The last two times we were able to work things out on our own financially, but we decided that this time we would be seeking assistance.  This has been my very least favorite part of this process so far!  Most grants require mini essays from both parents, as well as various items such as tax information, pay check stubs, and credit scores.  Ugh. It's like pulling horses' teeth trying to get these things done!  Definitely not easy to do with both of us working very full jobs and trying to keep the balance at home too, for Johnathan and Tenleigh.

So that's the nitty-gritty -- with faith and hope, still truckin' along! :)