About 2 years ago, I remember very distinctly praying a constant prayer ... it was, "Unsettle me, Lord." I don't know what I was thinking, exactly. Maybe something along the lines of... "stir something inside me...." or "move your Spirit through me..." You know, something that didn't actually require any work or too much emotion on my end. Just kind of -- "here I am, Lord -- but don't do anything too big..."
But apparently God listens to our prayers. He's been known to do that sort of thing I guess. And not only listen to our prayers, He actually moves things in heaven at the prompt of our prayers. Pretty awesome -- I'm just not loving the emotions tied to this rubble that He's shaking up in me... albeit at my request.
So let's talk rubble ---
I recently attended an amazing Christian women's conference with a great friend. One of the speakers happened to be one of my favorite Bible study authors, Kelly Minter. Kelly spoke about the book of Nehemiah, and the re-building of the wall -- and with that re-building, there is always rubble. Kelly so wisely pointed out the obvious: the only difference between building and re-building is rubble. In hearing Kelly share her wisdom, I was brought back to my prayer two years ago, "Unsettle me." I may as well have said, "Lord, there's a lot of rubble going on here -- shake it up. Move it. Re-build something in me..."
I can very strongly identify 3 major Shake Ups going on within me right now. One is obviously the orphan crisis and orphan justice. While God spoke adoption on our hearts 4 years ago (whew! I can't believe it's been 4 years!), it's only been the last year and a half that I've really felt a shake up towards the orphan crisis. I'm even a little bit embarrassed to say that I never fully understood the depth of the orphan crisis until we started our adoption a year and a half ago. And speaking of this understanding -- the documentary STUCK (!) Ryan and I were so blessed to see this film last week in Minneapolis. Truly a film that every. person. must. see. It's not a plea for people to adopt internationally. I fully understand that adoption is not for everyone; nor should it be. But I do believe that every person needs to understand what it going on around the globe with our orphans. We will be buying the DVD, and have been praying about ways to raise awareness. I also read a book called Orphan Justice -- which I personally believe every Christian needs to read.
So speaking of Christians. I am a Christian, trying to be like Jesus and love the poor and fatherless. I wear t-shrits that promote this. Heck, we're even selling the t-shirts. I have sold beautiful Haitian jewelry for the Haitian men and women so that they do not have to release their children to orphanages. I teach Kindergarten at a Christian early childhood learning center, and in most cases, the Kindergarten classroom is the only "taste" of Christ that the children and families may have. Ryan and I strive to be spiritual parents that walk alongside the Holy Spirit in raising Johnathan and Tenleigh to know the love of Christ. We're very active in our church and try to be very active in our community too, as disciples of Jesus. Disciples.... a very important word here. Now please don't misunderstand. I don't share these examples because I think we're wonderful. I share them because last night in my prayer time I clearly heard the Lord pointing these things out to me, and then say, .... "But you stink at being 'Jesus in the flesh' to a select few people right under your nose, that do not yet know Me, that you push away..." Sigh. Yes. I do. And I have been for many years. Rubble. Lots of rubble here. This wall -- will take time to re-build. But as much as I want to say, "Ahhh... this prayer... anywhere but here, Lord..." I must continue, "Unsettle me, Lord."
Then there's this third Shake Up. It's more of a personal Shake Up. And one I'm not sure I will disclose at this time. But people closest to me know and understand. This Shake Up is a re-building of my spirit. My inward rubble, affecting my outer self.
Right now I'm reading a new (to me) book by Kelly Minter. It's called The Fitting Room. I picked it up because the back says, "An irresistible invitation to a spiritual makeover." It's like it was written for me. Kelly is saying, "Girlfriend, you need a new wardrobe. Peace, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, humility, patience...."
Yes, let's re-think this unsettled rubble. I am not building for others (orphans, my children, my Kindergarten families, Haiti...). I am in the middle of a spiritual re-build for me.