Birth Days.

Three days ago our family celebrated our sweet Johnathan's 5th birthday.  He was born on Good Friday, and he turned 5 on Good Friday! :)  It was a beautiful day 5 years ago, and it was a fun, special day three days ago!

As we celebrated Johnathan's birthday, I couldn't help but find myself also thinking of two other people that God will be bringing into my life: my sweet child in Haiti and his/her birth mom.

I often wonder if God has brought our little one into this side of heaven yet.  I totally believe that God is building our family through adoption, and that He has already chosen our little one for us.  My mind is so curious about him/her and I can't help but smile to think of who God has created him/her to be!
But.... my heart is with our child's birth mother so often.  So often.  God has already brought her here to this side of heaven.  He has already written part of her story.

I am a birth mother.  I know the joy and pain of child birth.  I know the immediate bond between mother and baby, and the miracle of pregnancy.  I'm sure that most moms can relate to my feelings of pure, immediate, unconditional love for my babies.  My children's birthdays always make me reminisce their arrivals.  Giving birth was an awesome experience for me.  I didn't have an epidural with Johnathan; and while at the time of "raw" pain all I could think of was Johnny Cash's song "Ring of Fire" :) , I am now so thankful to have experienced childbirth so completely.  Johnathan was healthy, beautiful, perfect. His skin felt just like reaching into a bin of flour (I'll never forget that!), hearing him cry was the BEST sound in the world, and holding him was bliss.  I was in such awe at how he immediately knew how to nurse and felt comfort in hearing my voice. My family waited joyously in the hospital waiting room for HOURS! And my Ryan was the proudest daddy in the world and couldn't take his eyes off little Johnathan.  I was completely smitten for my 8 lb. 14 oz. little miracle.  I knew I would give my life for him.

I may not ever know the circumstances of Baby Haiti's birth.  I may never know anything about Baby's birth mom, or her decision to release her child.  Was she alone? Where did she go through labor and delivery? What is engrained in her memories of childbirth? Did she hold her baby? Smell her baby? Nurse her baby? Did she love on her baby for several weeks or even several months?

I believe it is the Holy Spirit nudging me to pray when I have a constant "train track" of thoughts going through my mind.  Birth mom is on my mind.  Birth days are on my mind.

"Lord, give me the words to speak when my child from Haiti wants and needs answers, and I have none. Give me empathy and forgiveness if I should learn of not-so-awesome circumstances and feel disbelief or anger.  Help me to be humble in raising Your child, while his/her first Mommy is not able to.  Guide me and equip me.  Be with me.  Give me peace."

And for our baby's birth mom, whom I already love...

"Lord, bless her and keep her.  Make Your face shine upon her and be gracious unto her.  Lift up Your countenance upon her and grant her peace."

Amen.