The sweetest, brightest little blondies helped me deliver a very important package today. A trip to FedEx was finally in order for Johnathan and Tenleigh, as we sent off our dossier to Washington DC! Such a fabulous feeling, kind of breathing a sigh of relief, and yet kind of deep-nose breathing as we send off these very precious and irreplaceable papers! We had to mark this momentous occasion with a few pictures -- (Of course! This momma is trying to do some sort of 'baby book' for our Little Opia too! Man would I love to be able to figure out how to do pictures on this thing! :)) But anyway -- Johnathan and Tenleigh with the sealed package, and even a picture of the Fed Ex truck that was parked outside the office. Cheesy? Maybe for some... but our family is very hopeful and prayerful as we send this off! In fact, in typical Vick fashion, our prayer over the package went something like this in our mini van:
Mom: "Dear Jesus... " (kids repeat) "Please protect our dossier..."
Tenleigh: "Mom are you going to Carivou for coffee!?" (The FedEx office is right by Caribou)
Johnathan: "Please po- tect our dossier..."
Mom: "Please keep it safe" (kids repeat)
Johnathan: "Why isn't it safe, Mom?"
Tenleigh: "Mom! Why you not going to Carivou!???"
.... and so it went. BUT, despite our bumpy little prayer, I know God heard the prayers of our hearts! :)
This stage has been long awaited... many many months... and yes I am thrilled to be this far, but I wasn't really expecting to also be experiencing a considerable amount of sadness tonight. I'll try to explain:
I grieve tonight because I know that in my gain, there is also incredible loss. A birthmother is losing her child. A birth family is losing a generation. A child may be losing a sibling, and a country is losing a piece of itself.
I grieve because my adopted child is losing some heritage. I grieve because my adopted child may never be able to understand the circumstances of his or her relinquishment. I grieve because my Little Opia will never know a part of him or herself. I grieve because we will never be able to fill his or her missing pieces.
I grieve because the child chosen for us will be leaving behind millions of other little ones, waiting and hoping for a family. I grieve because I believe that there are 147 million orphans because our world allows it to be this way...
I grieve because this may mean that Johnathan and Tenleigh will go through some confusion and adjustment challenges. I grieve because some of our extended family members or friends may have a difficult time adjusting to our parenting choices with our adopted child, or our transracial family.
I wonder if other adoptive families are able to connect with my feelings... My guess is yes. My hope is yes... I know I need others to help me trudge on in this journey. I can't walk through CraZy alone!
A few weeks ago I read kind of a tongue-in-cheek statement about adoption ~ Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Adoptive Parents are from Dreamland, and Adoptees are from The Dark Side of the Moon… I understand what the author is trying to express I think. Adoption is really a unique experience, full of so many emotions. And I really don't think it ends once you bring your child home.
I close tonight with a few of my favorite words ringing on my heart, and I pray that they will bring me some rest tonight. :) Psalm 46:10 "Be Still. And know that I am God."
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