I have sort of been putting off another blog post, because I don't really have anything new to share. Still waiting on our MOWA letter (it's been a 7 month wait for us thus far) -- and that's needed in order to submit for court. As soon as we receive it we'll finally be submitted! For the last month we've been hearing, "this week -- " "next week -- " We were even given the word "promise" last week, which is a really BIG word to use in the adoption world. But alas, no letter. :( I have really been hoping and praying that by some miracle we'd make it to court in March, but I'm not feeling very confident in this any longer. :( Eli's 1st birthday is March 7th. I SO wanted to be there around his birthday, to celebrate him and shower love on him. I guess I can find gratitude in the fact that he knows no different. I'd rather my heart hurt than his. But this whole MOWA deal feels likes a big mess, and it leaves me mopey.
So while I'm at it, I'll just mope about a few more things -- we found out today that Eli has measles. Good grief. I can hardly allow myself to think about it too much because I just picture his discomfort and I'm not there to help him through it. Not to mention there are 11 other little ones in his care center that also contracted measles! So I'm sure that the nannies really have their hands full! I will be praying for Eli and his little friends, and all of those caregivers!
February is historically the shortest month -- but I'm telling you, it's been never-ending for me. My head is stuck in the clouds, my heart is across the Atlantic, and my spirit has been feeling a little deflated. Much of it, of course, is in relation to Eli and our wait to get to him. We're SO close (as in relatively few steps to complete) -- but it's sure taking a long time to complete them! But the other part of it is in relation to the state of international adoption right now. I have read about and heard about enough stories lately that have literally drained the blood from my face and made my jaw drop. And yet, I almost feel a bit numb to it all too -- because pretty soon -- story after story, the red tapes to go through and hoops to jump, the political agendas, and power trips of government officials and adults -- it sort of becomes 1 big blur. When does it all stop?
So the Lord and I have had a number of conversations lately. :) Some have been desperate pleas, others have been just tears and no words. I am SO ready to be on the other side of this.
But here's the thing: I really don't think I ever will be. I don't think that I'll be done with my fight for orphan justice when Eli is finally home. There is a "holy anger" rising up in me, and I know that it will push me forward into action. I'm really passionate about a special maternity home in Ethiopia and I'm excited to be a part of that. Part of me is somewhat nervous for our travels to Ethiopia because I'm sure my heart will not want to leave. When I first prayed the words, "Unsettle me, Lord" so long ago -- I really had no idea what I was saying. And wouldn't you know -- God listened to my prayer and here I am, feeling very unsettled. Not because of anything that we're waiting on, or the desires of our own hearts. But because of what I've seen, learned, heard, and experienced through this call to adopt. I am very unsettled, and I give Thanks for that every day.
On a fun note, Ryan has finished Eli's bedroom! He worked really hard on that the last month. I'm so proud of him and the effort he put into it. I guess this was maybe his way of passing through this time too. When all of the pictures are up on the walls and the furniture is in I'll post some pictures! :) I absolutely love it and I can't wait to add laughter, baby squeals, snuggles, story time, wrestling, and messes to the room too.
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